What a disgruntling start to the week... I need a vacation. And its only Tuesday. Any ideas? I'm thinking, a cabin, deep in the woods somewhere. No Internet. No phones. Just me, my books and a piano. A roaring, crackling fireplace. A cozy rug on the floor with a blanket to keep me warm. And... maybe I'm pushing it, but a room with a studio in it would be a nice touch as well... and, possibly... a boyfriend? (nah. I don't really need that mess.) Fine... throw a damn puppy in the room and I'll cuddle Fido instead. Geesh.

Totally stressful start the past two days. Deadlines are stressful enough, but the things that are needed to get the deadlines done would be the MORE stressful part of the this equation. (And, maybe I suck at math... but I know I can do this tally on one hand. For example, Take "the need" to get shit done MINUS the required "aforementioned need" = can't finish the to do list. Argh!) Most of my deadlines are self-inflicted flesh wounds I bring on myself. Which is fine, because a little internal bloodshed is necessary when you're building something. And I tend to need to juggle multiple projects at once or I go nuts. But, what annoys me more is when you must rely on other people sometimes to get these "said" things done and the people you're waiting on are coming up short. Obviously, it takes a village to accomplish anything in this world. Yes, I've done a lot of it myself, but I could never say I did it fully alone. No one can. Someone has helped you in some way, along the way. I don't care if your job is mowing lawns. Someone helped you with that business.

 I'm a big believer of people who follow through, speak the truth and come from an honest place in their heart. It shows respect. Otherwise, go fuck yourself. I have no interest nor do I have the time to waste on ANYONE not pulling their weight, not being forthcoming, and not having the innate integrity to back up what comes out of your mouth. Too many people in this world, so selfishly existing, without the smallest iota of their effect on others. I'm not talking about taking care of yourself first ideas - those are a given. We must do that to find our happiness. What I'm talking about is when people say they'll do one thing and then do another. Or, do f***ing nothing at all. But, when you begin a journey with another, be it a business or personal relationship, don't disregard that you will most likely have a profound affect on them. Big or small, we don't know if we don't communicate or be clear in our intentions. And if you have been clear in your intentions, communicate any mishaps or directional changes. Know how you affect others. Doing otherwise will result in bad juju. And, that's not a curse or some foo-foo flighty s*** to illicit harm, that's f***ing reality. Do good, receive good. Do badly...? Well, I'm positive you see where that's going.

One thing I know for sure, is the handful of people around me work their asses off and deserve every amazing thing possible! I know who's on my list that I will be taking care of, quite generously, when I am able. My reality right now though is that I just need to chill somewhere quiet for a few days and maybe... throw a snowball.

Man-Selfies.

Selfies. Man-Selfies. Why do guys post selfies? I find it freaking weird. Nothing is weirder to me than when a guys send selfies to begin with. Selfies of themselves lying in bed. Selfie of the guy making a kissy face. Or trying to look sexy... Or the mamma jama of them all? Sending selfies of them laying in bed, making a kissy face, trying to look sexy; but then... to actually post that stuff? I mean, I can't be the only one who thinks this is odd, right? Girls do selfies. Girls looks sexy, cute, sweet. I know what you might be thinking... it's a little sexist to think that only girls can get away with the art of the "selfie". We females have been practicing the art of the selfie way before the beginning of time! (Yes, I said beginning of time! If you think girls weren't looking at their reflections in the ponds during the dinosaur age, guess again. Bet your ass they probably did!)... but, I really find it so creepy when a guy has sent me one. For example, a guy once sent me a selfie, that I didn't want in the first place. I told him I wasn't interested in dating him. (There were a plethora of reasons, nothing worth getting into) Anyway, he sent me a selfie of him  lying in bed, on a pillow with one arm over his head and I guess you would call them... "puppy dog eyes?" HA! I guess if I was into him I would have been like... aw, that's so adorable... while cringing. But, NO. I wasn't into him at all. So, I was more like WTF is this s***.

I had to ask, why the hell would he send me a pic of him, laying in bed, with puppy dog eyes, making a kissy face, with one arm up over his head in attempt to look dreamy. (I begged for someone to pinch me to wake me up... not the kind of "dreamy" I want from a dream. Matter of fact, call up the sandman because I'd hurt him for that. Worst prank EVER.) The biggest part of this loathing is the fact that they are not only sending these to us girls-making all these weird googly eyes, and kissy faces while lying in bed-buuut posting them... they are  posting these bedtime beauties online! I called out a friend of mine who did this very act of his own pillow-plunder and had to get answers! Why?! Did he wake up one day and think to himself, "hmmm, yes! Great idea! That's it! Light bulb! I'm going to send her a seflie of me looking sad, or sweet, or... delicious? And, to further my humiliation, I'm going to post that pic to show her how sexy I am." *sigh Let me turn off your light bulb for ya before any more of this f***ery continues...

Guys. Don't take selfies of yourselves... laying in bed... making ANY kind of faces. It's so not cute. Stay away from the pillow pics. Please refrain. Knock it off. And for the love of God! STOP, and Don't post that "selfie" either!

It's so weird.

What the heck? I make my tea, it's too hot. So, I wait for it to cool down. Cold. I reheat it. Hot. I wait again.  Freaking cold. Waited too long. Try again. Reheat it once more. Too damn hot to drink. Again. Allow it to cool. Setting a timer this time. COLD again! Forget it. Grabbing water. Clearly, my little teapot. You, are a trouble maker.

Anyway... Between rehearsals, studio and writing, I haven't had much time for anything else. But, I did make my way to a small stage last night and after a little drinky drink, and they coerced me to messing around! (Not that hard really... I'm always up for a challenge lol)

Also, here's a still shot and a teeny sneak peek at the video for "Just Stay". I'm pretty excited about this and it already looks amazing! And this is just a shot from the editing room! This was a very giggly set... keeping our game face on during filming was a challenge! But, we did it! HA! It's always great to work with talented and focused people... I can't wait to show you! (I will say... my actor was pretty freaking hot though. If we need any retakes, I'll be there bright eyed and bushy tailed! HA!) Ok, ok, I won't talk about him like he's a piece of meat... *sigh ... but I want to!

Caught me on the job! I love being in the lab. And I Love how this record is coming along. We were fine tuning vocals/melodies to bring the song together today. It's kind of like baking a cake. Add two parts vocals to one part melody, stir in a new bridge, and VOILA! (well, it's a little more than that, but you get the idea) This cake will definitely add a nice addition to the album! And, yes, those are my shoes just thrown on the floor like that... 

                                           

So, on a more, normal note... while the invites to hang out and party were coming through, I knew I was onto the next item on my "to-do list". I like to go out and party as much as the next person, but responsibility comes first. waah-waah! ha! That being said...  I really do live for this stuff! Although, I did get to watch a movie tonight. It was the weirdest freaking movie ever. Fifty-Two clones of the same guy and hundreds more being made of him and the lady he was an "effective team" with. Creepy. And, not in a good way. Listen, it was just weird. It sat too long on these relationships that seemed relevant to the story but not relevant enough to stay on these damn sub-stories. I kept getting up to go do laundry and maybe scrub a floor or two. That's how enthralled I was watching this flick! I may have taken a nice snooze a few minutes as well!

You know what? Now that I think about it ...I'm a horrible movie watcher! I'm the girl at the theatre fighting with her popcorn. I'm also the narcoleptic in the theatre. I swear, I don't care how good the movie is, I'll more than likely go full K.O. I'm also the kid in the theatre that talks to much. I'm also the old lady who can't seem to open that damn candy wrapper, that no matter how hard I try, it won't open lovingly. Thus,  agitating everyone in the theater with my crinkling plastic. Oh! And, sometimes I throw s*** at the movie screen... nothing big. Just candy, or popcorn... possibly a shoe. 

Anyway, if you get a chance, go to                                           

livemixtapes.com and download the 

new album "The Best Of Da Kid 4" 

from SYARIDAKID. I'm pretty 

excited about this because 

"DESIRE" is on album. YAY!  

I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD

I swear, if one more person tells me to "get some sleep" I am going to bite their knees off!

                                                      I'll SLEEP. WHEN. I'M DEAD.

THAT. IS. ALL. 

I love working with different people in the studio. Its fun, it forces you to strip down your ideas and thoughts and bare your soul. You know, like when you have the naked dream. ha!  It reminds me of when your in high school and your put into groups with other kids you haven't worked with before. Except here, everyone works in the group! You know there's the kid who has to boss everyone around in the group. Oh, and let's not forget the kids who work slowly on the project so it "appears" as though they're working in the group. Or the kid in the group who clearly had a parent do their part of the project. And last but not least, there is always that one freaking kid who doesn't do crap in the group. Ah... How I miss school.

Well, working with different producers, or other writers in the studio isn't like that. Everyone works together and comes up with different ideas and concepts and its amazing to see how other people dig deep to find their own inspiration. I have my ways and I watch and observe how others find theirs. I am such a people watcher and love seeing what makes people tick. Some kids in the group delve into their past experiences. Other kids watch movies or gather data from other sources to get it. I tend to write as often as it comes to my mind. My brain never freaking shuts off though. (And I spend a lot of time alone... I may be an alien). Then there are the kids that take a walk outside to free their brains, maybe grab some pizza. And, some kids in the group just take a couple shots of tequila. Ah... How I love THIS school.

Long, long night of rehearsals. I'm a perfectionist, so making sure my set is right, for me, is key... It's a twenty minute set with approximately a melody of three songs for an upcoming show next month. The funny thing is, that once I get my set down, I usually get a phone call saying that I need to switch it around. HA! Eh, I'm not complaining, I actually find it amusing because this is the daily chaos I tend to encounter. I always play with my chords though and mess with the arrangement... Ah, the ways I entertain myself. =D

So to continue with the day's activities and its fairly jam-packed itinerary, rehearsals are done, and its time for my writing session for another song we are working on for the album. Then, knock out some drops and check emails. Yes, if it appears as though I'm juggling five different things at once, well that's because I usually am... And, if you're wondering when -or if- I ever sleep? Well... that's a negatory. I'll sleep when I'm dead. ha ha (Just kidding. I sleep... Sometimes. ) =P


"Treat yourself like a gift and God will continue to give you blessings in abundance." -Joel Olsteen

.

So after spending the day on submissions, interviews, (...saying that felt so official... ha ha... yes! I can't believe it either, people want to interview me! I'm just a girl with a voice!) and rewriting, yet again, a third version of "Last Show" (I swear getting it right with this particular track pains me. I spent a lot of time writing and re-writing this song because it really means something to me about going through life, making decisions that people will always judge you for. No one is immune to this and everyone is guilty of it. I just want it to be perfect. And I just want to make sure it stays as close to the original rough cut I had of it from the jump.) But, hopefully soon... I'll be sending that by paper airplane to be mixed and mastered. Again.

Fast forward to this evening...  I was able to play chess with my very brilliant little partner. Here's the deal. I have beat him several times the past couple weeks and it has been driving him crazy! He's been playing everyday with others to up his game, I suppose, and can beat them effortlessly... or so I am told. Ha! (its always about perspective, right? )

So, he has been making me play every chance possible to try and remedy the 3-0 stats I had against him. So, tonight, I said, fine, we will play and we had a stale mate, followed by me, finally taking a loss. Dammit! So, at his request, we scratched the previous scoreboard and now we are at an "agreed" 0-1-1. You guessed it, we agreed because he was happy he was the winning number on the scoreboard.
But, I'm no fool... I know the scoreboard still really is 3-2-1. That's right, I'm still... technically, winning! =P And besides, he ONLY beat me because we were watching a movie I had never seen. So, I was distracted. I see what he did, he lured me in to play, knowing, I would be more into the film. Tricky. Tricky. (Have you picked up on the fact that I am a teensy weensy bit competitive? HA!)

Let me just say, that if you take your finger off the any piece on that board because you decided you changed your mind on your move. Think again. It will be my turn. Too bad,  so sad. I will not let you re-do your move... And, I know, boys hate that.

We were on location yesterday shooting the video for "Just Stay". A song that will soon enough be available for download on iTunes. So keep a lookout for that. (Sorry guys, I wasn't able to get any behind the scenes shots... I know. Booooo) HA!

 "Just Stay" has been heard on "The Tia Pancha Show", a reality show on Univision earlier this year. (Huge thank you to my boy back in H-town for making that happen. You are amazing! I appreciate you immensely!) Anyway, I'm excited about this project. The concept for this video was amazing. I can't wait to share this video with you guys. The storyline is interesting and has a twist to it. I get annoyed when I'm watching music videos and they don't have some kind of story to it. So when the director showed me the treatment for this video I about died!! I loved it!

The final scene of the day though I just could not stop laughing. Thanks to the giggles coming from off set and my co-star making silly faces while I'm supposed to be "sad"... Smh they were all killing me! Ha ha. 

After wrapping, the cast and crew all went to dinner. Where madness ensued. Tell me how a French fry that went flying across two tables slapping one in the face ended up square in one's nose?! HA! That was one boss French fry! We couldn't stop laughing. On that note, I'm off to the studio and on the lookout for any suspicious French fries looking to jump me... 

There are things I love to do and things I just can't stand! I can sit in a booth, at a mic, write in my rhyme books (sorry Sy, I just cannot bring myself to use my notepad in my phone. I keep forgetting what I put down in that shit... seriously, I have like 143 notes of... exactly. I don't freaking know.) Anyway, these are things I can do all day! But, sitting here, doing paperwork, data entry for my work...?  BLAHHHHHHH... I seriously just want to shoot myself in the foot. Or chase butterflies. Chasing butterflies would definitely do it.

So, while I was sitting here trying to give myself a case of the A.D.D's (not to make fun of anyone with that disorder because I've seen people who have it and that stuff is very real) I decided to twitter my minutes away and noticed that I have a lot of women that I interact with that are AMAZING-and I have to say- I LOVE THAT! I love seeing strong, entrepreneurial women. Women who don't take no crap, just making it in this world. Doing for themselves, as opposed to waiting on some guy who will most likely NOT, have his shit together. Now, now, relax, boys, this isn't to say that I am about to go on a man-bashing rant/ (*looks around the room.. but, I'd like too ha ha). But, I can guarantee that if I ask every female friend I have about their experiences, as to what "types of guys" typically approach us, it would reflect a sort of opposite of the "knight in shining armor" effect. More so,  the court jester.. with an ugly hat. With bells on it.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I love my sisters out there, keep doing your thing. I salute you! OK, OK. I'll hold off! No more "girl power" mantras tonight.

But, I did get to thinking.. (Uh oh... this is never good ha ha)
Why is it I always attract the stray dogs with the 3 legs? I mean, is there a sign on my forehead that says, hey! This one! Right here! She's got a soft spot for those defunct in manners, good intentions but if you offer up some good compliments and a 50/50 bedroom game.. she'll take a chance! Ugh. NO. Dating is a NON-OPTION for me.. INDEFINITELY. Not because of my bad experiences or because I am not craving any "Two Can Play That Game" reenactments any time soon, but because I'm focused. Dammit. Can't a girl just be focused? (And my manager told me I'm not allowed. No, really, she said that.)

So I'm at the bank, waiting for a teller and this "jester" decides to make a move. He, "strikes up a converstaion"... or rather, tries to... So, there I am, in agony over why his opener is about green leaf lettuce, I nod and smile. In my head, I'm thinking, who the hell opens with "You know... Green leaf lettuce didn't originate in the United States..." WTF. I mean... he's really doing this. WTF?! He carries on, NOT seeing my body language is facing away from him as if my whole being is trying to escape this oddball encounter and I start to laugh to myself. In fact, out loud. And, I never try to be rude. I mean, it took guts to talk about f**** green leaf lettuce! Finally after the history of green leaf lettuce turned to why he lives with his mom, borrows his sister's car, who's 17...  I just couldn't take it anymore. Why was this line taking so long?!  I never prayed so hard for my turn to come to the teller's window before in my life! And if I hear one more lettuce factoid, I will find lettuce and throw it at his face.

So calmly I said, hey, you're a nice guy, you seemed to have it all figured out, but you're 32, living with moms, driving sissy's car... not interested. But thanks. He follows with, here take my card.. (*I slap myself in the forehead) ok, well fine. So, I say, ok, well, gotta go they called me up next....
oh, by the way I'm allergic to green leaf lettuce.

Oh yeah strange one at the bank... I dodged your bullet. Thank you allergies. Thank you.

BIG THANKS to everyone at Playboy radio tonight!  Especially the beautiful Ms. Sapphire! Thank you for having us tonight! It was a blast!! Big thank you to Munkey Barz, Raven Bay, Mistress C, Jack Napier for hanging out, Munkey Mike, Tef Dollaz, PGO Clothing, and of course, last but most definitely NOT least, our listeners tonight! You guys were amazing! Thanks for calling in and playing along! Hope we can all do it again soon! If you missed out on tonights show, make sure you catch Ms. Sapphire on Playboy Plus Radio on Sirius/XM Channel 102. Check local listings for times. When I find the link for tonights show, I'll post for you guys to take a listen and get inside the action!

Now, gotta lay down these Drops. Gotta show love for the DJ's who put us on when we got a record out.. Then, maybe then... I can get to bed? Nah.  ha ha

I don't know if I'm sore from sleeping on the couch last night or because I was defending myself from  the full on attack of the pumpkin patch dragon! ha ha  epic fail... But tons of fun. Check it out. It's silly and we had such a good time. Even carved our Halloween pumpkins!

It was so fun to clown around and just be plain ol silly! Big shoutout to the lady who owns that pumpkin patch, she so put up with us and our ridiculousness and she was getitng ready to shut down for the night! Mad love goes out to her for her patience over our shenanigans!

Amidst, all this goofing around, I was checking some things of mine at the copyright website and there was this message at the top of the page...

Due to the lapse in government funding, the U.S. Copyright Office is closed, as is the greater Library of Congress. As such, the office is unable to update the information on this website, respond to inquiries, or process transactions. Registration submissions will be accepted for the purpose of securing date of receipt, but will not be processed. Website updates and all normal business activity will resume when the government reopens. If you would like to file a copyright registration online, the online registration system is available. Filing your claim now will help ensure the earliest possible effective date of registration, although copyright registrations will not be processed until the Copyright Office reopens.

UGH.  Politics gets me angry. Men acting their show sizes? Makes me angry. The fact that I have to just sit and wait around on men in politics, acting their shoe sizes?  I bet you can figure out the rest.. lol. I don't believe I need to say anymore on this.

... at least the copyright office has my material. They are just staring at it, and not processing it... but at least they have my material. ha ha OK, back to work over here before they fire my butt.

Did I mention I have plastic burns on both my elbows from that pumpkin patch dragon? Yes. I do. The bastard. I got owned.

Last night was so ridiculous! A couple days ago, my son lost his key. So, I took my house keys off my ring so he  could get in when I dropped him off. So, yesterday I went to pick him up from his game, locked the door behind me, and wouldn't you know it? ....yep, those house keys were sitting all by their lonesome on the counter, NOT, back on my key ring. So, literally, we were literally stuck, locked out.

Or were we? I called the building manager, and after calling three times to make sure I had the after hours number written down right,  then proceeded to call. Was on hold for... ohhh, 20 minutes. (Apparently, in the dead of night, there was an overabundance of calls. Right.) Then she gets on the phone and says, oh, well, we cannot let you into your apartment. I said, what? Yeah, we're not allowed. Um.. let me get this straight, I pay x amount of dollars to live here, I would be the one who needs to authorize entrance into my apartment to begin with, and you can't come let me in my own apartment? Oh, ok. I don't know what kind of horse s*** that was but, she was kind enough to offer up a number for a locksmith to call. Oh ok, so now I have to pay, who knows how much, for a damn locksmith? Are you going to reimburse me? She says, no. Ok, thanks for nothing. Click.

So, ok, I'll call AAA. I was transferred four times before someone could help me and the answer was, we can recommend a locksmith in your area for you. And you can call back tomorrow, and you might be able to get reimbursement. Aha. Ok, "call back", "might", yeah, I'm good. After about an hour and a half of this nonsense, we were finally able to get in. Good thing I had that crash course in cat burglary.

Allergies

So, I'm allergic to freaking everything. And, when I say I'm allergic to freaking "everything..." I really mean, EVERYTHING. Maybe I could run down the list real quick so you guys can get an idea of how close to anaphylactic shock I am every time I put something in my mouth... (yes, as soon as I wrote the words "put something in my mouth," my mind went to the wayside too... not judging. ha ha)

OK, here we go, I'm allergic to all this s***:

• Lettuce (yes, green leaf, red leaf, iceberg, anything water-packed)
• Dogs (yes, even so-called "hypo-allergenic" dogs)
• Cats
• Basically anything with fur (live animals or coats, doesn't matter, I'm allergic)
• Grass
• Bubble bath
• Dark liquors 
• Wine (new revelation but I'll still drink it, YOLO)
• MOLD (biggest silent killer out to get me, the bastard is in everything!)
• Bleu Cheese, Brie Cheese
• Some vegetarian products out there in the marketplace (specifically Quorn products)
• Red Meat (i.e. steaks, beef) (yes, its true. I will keel over in pain)
• heavy perfume ( I know. Sucks balls. I love perfume)
• Dust, Pollen, Hay (kind of in the grass category, but what the hell)
• Bees
• Smoke (cigarettes, etc.)
• Roller coasters (doesn't count as an allergy but I need Dramamine to get through it and I LOVE roller coasters =/)
• Air sickness (Dramamine) 
• Penicillin
• NyQuil
• Pepto-Bismal
• Thera-Flu
• Medications (i.e. Vicodin, Percocet, and anything with the word "-codone" at the end of it)
• Energy drinks

I'm basically two steps away from being the girl who needs to live in a safe bubble. I wonder how nice it would be to romp around in a field... nope, let me stop you right there.... I will break out in a serious rash up to my calves. Thank you father, this is a gift I really could have lived without. 

Why do I bring this up? Because yesterday morning after my massage, I became aware of a weird tingling sensation. (not the good kind that your like, hey yeah, gimme more... nope. the bad kind. smh) I felt it in my legs, my arms, and even my stomach! What the heck? So, I did what any other brilliant american mind would do.. I googled that s*** on WebMD to find out what the heck is going on! Now,  keep in mind, I had quite a bit of vino, Brie cheese and energy drinks the night before. Clearly, I deluded myself into believing I could "beat" the allergies at their own games and just do it! 

Boy, oh boy! Was I wrong. I was dizzy, I had migraines, my body's overall tingling sensation made me feel like I was going to have some kind of heart attack or something. I tried to move around, thinking, maybe it's a circulatory thing.. No bitch, you ate shit you're not supposed to eat! Moral of the story is don't play with allergies. If you have them, don't be a dumb ass, you cannot beat the system. I was lucky. I took to my home remedy of a 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda every two hours and the symptoms all subsided. ( I know right! Who knew? yeah, baking soda b***!) I actually didn't realize I was allergic to vino. But I don't usually knock off three bottles either. Relax, I was with a good friend that helped tip the bottles. ha ha. Also, the tingling sensations were actually brought on from the energy drinks. Yeah, do not drink that stuff either! My body was going into this paralysis shutdown type thing. A UNCOMMON side affect. UNLESS you are ME and you are allergic to everything under the sun, around the sun, oh and yeah, basically everything on planet earth. 

There's something to be said about the people who remain close to you as you change and grow. Even when you move into a different direction, via job, marriage, kids or whatever, you remain close to them. They keep you in check. They're there for you when you need to get your "ugly" cry out on their shoulders. And they support you when you're doing well also. I am grateful. I am blessed. I realize I have this in my life and they have been there from the jump. I can count on them and Im confident that they'll be there later on too. And I pray that I am that for them, in their lives, along their journeys too.

I had an amazing conversation with a very dear, close and personal friend of mine tonight. And he  reminded me to keep counting my blessings. Keep being open and giving to the world what I want to receive. And to keep working hard. There will always be speed bumps along the highways we choose. Stay focused and don't allow those distractions to be more than just silly old speed bumps. ha.

So, it's funny he used the word "distractions". I actually have those words - "no distractions" - written on my mirror. It may be silly to some, but for me, it's a reminder when I'm over thinking, or saying and doing things that aren't lining up with the bigger picture. It's takes a collage of smaller pictures to make the big picture you want to frame and hang on your wall. And, sometimes we grab a picture from here, a picture from there and then we set them down. Checking to see if the coffee has finished percolating, oh, there's a phone call, let me answer it, "I'll keep it short" we say to ourselves. Or I'll take the night off and spend it with my boyfriend, significant other, friends, or whatever can potentially be more than an innocent few minutes away from your work... next thing you know.  Your goals, your bigger picture, you have neglected because minutes turned into hours, hours turned into sleepovers, etc. And there are your few photos, still laying where you set them down. Waiting for you to piece them together and make this grand plan a reality. Stick to your plan. Follow your regimen that you have set for yourselves. Piece together your big picture, however small each piece. Eventually, you WILL get there.

I want to challenge my sisters to be empowered. To stay focused. NO DISTRACTIONS!  Whatever your goals, just let speed bumps be silly old speed bumps!

Meanwhile, the words "vulnerability" and "value" keep coming up in the conversations I have been having lately. I believe I will have to touch on those in another post down the road. As, I can tell you, they've already been put into a record I've written, stay tuned...

BE EMPOWERED MY SISTERS. BE. EMPOWERED.

During my first warm ups of the day, I found myself - during lip trills - I suddenly drooling all over myself, then spitting everywhere! Ha! It was like my face just stopped functioning and decided, eh, you don't need this spit, out you go! ...I don't think that has ever happened to me before! what the heck? ha ha I figured, maybe I was dehydrated or something? Or, I was thinking about food... involuntarily? Somehow I do think about food a lot. (oh, how I just love food.) So, maybe the reality is,  I just REALLY wanted a donut or something so my mouth was like... give meeeeee a dooonuuuut. Slobber, slobber. Wow. Well... One thing about me, I can always laugh at myself before anyone else does. I rarely get embarrassed. It takes a lot of planning to get me to feel any kind of way really. I'm pretty chill and almost always in a good mood.

DISCLAIMER: Except before my coffee. No coffee. No good mood. I am NOT a morning person. I repeat, I am NOT a morning person! (Dear future husband, upon your discovery of this, please take note that you must, at all times, keep cargo sized palates of coffee, espresso, and the like in the cupboards.As well as every machine dedicated to the making of coffee and maybe even a barista on staff for emergencies. ...Or suffer the consequences. I love you always, Your future wife who's a wildebeest without coffee and will trample through the house like a Tasmanian Devil without it.) =P

EMINENCE

EMINENCE

Deep into darkness
A light begets the tunnel
I never see
I delve deep within
To find my twin
Down on her knees

She prays to a God
A delectable wish
Moving away smoke
But through which

Living fast paced
Blurs as they all pass
A black hole to a galaxy
She can't resist

A lightening flash
Back to this burrow
A lone eminence
I delve deep within
I found My twin, I see her
Down On my knees

I've been at these keys working on this new song (has only a working title right now which I don't like - definitely changing it) and I got the verses down, FINALLY,  and as I'm running through the song, I couldn't help but get emotional each time I would hit the last two lines of the chorus.  The verses are finally in place and it just keeps taking all I have to get through it. I'm stripped down to my core and I feel emotionally naked in this piece.

This song reminds me of a man that worked to break down my walls. He made me notice him when I wasn't even trying to see a man, as a man. Just focused on my work. Like me, he was scared to give his heart but we both seemed to be slowly, but surely, trusting and caring for each other. Someone who was rebuilding his own dreams. And I was busy chasing mine. I admired him, his work ethic, he always made time for me. All I wanted was to show him kindness, and that even though we are not perfect people, we could be lonely imperfect people together...  and inevitably, I fell in love with him. But, did he feel the same about me?

Well... I don't know. He said he was mine. And, I was his. In every sense of the words, He seemed to. We talked everyday, he sent messages that said I miss you and want to hold you. He even used emojis. ha ha And, when a guy uses emojis, it must be real... right? When I fall for someone, I fall hard. It sucks. I feel I do exactly what you're supposed to do when your in love with a man. Respond to his messages and calls right away, make time for him, try to go out and do things together, offer to cook for him, etc.

I miss that man that loved me, I knew who he was then. I probably wouldn't recognize that same man now. I am shedding tears for the love from a man I didn't even know I wanted, or needed. But somehow, I miss him so terribly that my heart breaks every time I don't see a message from him or can't wake up next to his body every day.

This single will be a reflection of an outpouring of the things I wanted to tell him so many times, but couldn't. He wasn't ready. Maybe, I was hoping that he was the one? My forever? Or maybe, we just were a flitting moment in time that would give me material for a record?