Flip Flop Moans

The gym is not the time to moan aloud as if you are at home with the shades drawn and no witnesses to be had. All the treadmills were taken. The guy on the ONE stationary bike is moaning so loudly that's it's not only disruptive but counterintuitive to my own focus. Now I know what you sound like in an intimate situation. An NOW my minds eye cannot get the unsightly image out of my head! Or maybe adjust his oversized headphones so that they are on his head correctly. If he has one ear on and one ear off, it would seem to me that he'd hear his own sounds of... Wailing? I don't know. Somebody just make it stop. And why is he wearing flip flops? 

So I get stuck on the elliptical. And it's an archaic model that is most likely possessed by evil. Level one is like level twenty. I'm an over-achiever. There are no other options.  So I go for it. Gosh, this is stressful. And I last an eternity! ...of only a third of a mile. This machine must die. Do you have a sledgehammer I could borrow? 

It's a smaller gym, so there aren't as many options with machines, weight sets, hand weights; There's only one big ball of blue to do sit-ups. And three women staring at it with intent to pounce. All in all, I enjoy my quaint, little workout spot. But, please, someone stuff a sock in flip flop biker's mouth before I roll him up in a yoga mat and stuff him in the sauna.