The OH Face

I used to wonder what a guy's face looked like during sex. Lying. I actually still do. Some guys. OK. Not every guy because that's just being a slut. Frankly, who wants to see that one, ugly guy's "OH" anyway? I don't. But that hot guy with the six-pack Abs... Ouchie-wa-wa! I would like to know! It's hot in here. Back to the point. I don't need to wonder because I think I've figured out that some of the everyday things these gloriously sloppy creatures do on the regular can actually be compared to their own personalized "OH" face. And I've come up with some personality tall tales to sort of help us girls decode these deviant monsters as well... But I'll save that for another post.

The Chip Barrel

See the guy that shoves a handful of French fries in his mouth like they are reaching for the ceiling lights and feeding themselves...  like angry hungry baby birds? This is pretty sure to equate to same said guy who barrels down into your Poconos like the end of a potato chip bag is near. Fast. And furious.  And even though  careening face first sounds just lovely on any random occasion, I'd put some caution signs near your on ramp for the sake of this mouth collision. Ouch.

The Angry Sailor 

So this gentleman is a bit on the cranky side. Yeah, lucky girl, that could be your jackpot. Sorry. I like my guys in control but laid back. I'm too in need of feeling "free" and "independent" for this type of knucklehead. This type gets mad at everything and his face displays it all! That scowl he makes when argumentatively harassing a waiter could be the face he makes when he's about to... well, you know. Cursing up a storm, while he ploughs right into your dough. Ouch.

The Tenderoni
This guy is holding babies and puppies. He talks in a baby voice, creepy. And, talks to dogs in a high pitch, also creepy. He's going to raise his eyebrows and sweet talk you during the deed. Still creepy. He'll be gentle, but most likely, too gentle. Sorry, this guy sounds romantic, but he'll miss the punch you need to have that spark. His OH face most likely looks like he's going to cry. Oh please don't. Creepy.

The Wild One
The guy that jumps off roofs and is excited by ham. His mouth is always open, he's loud and he has the attention span of a flea. So, imagine a roll in the hay with this one and you're most likely going to see the OH look like a surprised cartoon-like caricature. OR you know those women who have too much plastic surgery? Constantly wearing a look of surprise? Yep like that. He will look like he's about to catch a mouthful of flies when he's about to get his. On the up side, at least he'll throw you around the room and whether he's enjoying it or not, you'll never know because he'll have a look of constant wonder on his face. Eh, I'll take this one. He'll be amusing to watch.